Top 10 Things To Never Believe From Your Teenager
|
|
1) It's not my (pot, beer, cigarettes, etc.), I'm just keeping it for someone else.
Yeah right. The next question for the parent to ask is, "If you are keeping this for your friend, what is your friend keeping for you?" One of the reasons parents can get fooled here is that you so desperately want to believe that it is not theirs and they are not doing drugs. It's important to remember that this is something your teen might be counting on.
2) When caught with drugs - This is just the first time I've tried it.
Unlikely. Usually when kids get caught with and/or using some drugs, they have been doing it awhile. They have simply slipped up, gotten caught, and are trying to find a quick way out of it.
3) We don' have homework in that class
Sometimes this is true. Or they have already done it at school. Often times it's a good excuse for not doing homework, or for covering up for skipping class. Either way, it's one of the easiest to check out by talking with the teacher. Which parents need to be doing anyway.
4) The teacher doesn't like me
Maybe so. This is usually just a handy excuse for bad grades or getting in trouble. Either way, it's the kid's job to find a way to make it work, even if the teacher doesn't like them. It's simply practice for the real world, where not everyone is going to like you; sometimes even bosses or co-workers. The interesting thing about this one is the teens solution to the problem. It goes something like this - "Well, the teacher doesn't like me, so I'll show them by flunking the class." And who is this hurting?
5) Of course there will be parents at the party
The answer to this one is, "If that's true, then you certainly won't mind me calling up your friend's parents to see if there is anything I can do to help."
6) Everyone else gets to do it, so why can't I?
Another popular one designed to make parents feel guilty and old fashioned, so they will give in to something they think is wrong. My mother had a wonderfully confusing answer to this one; "If everyone else stood on their head in the middle of the street at three in the morning in their underwear, would you?" Probably would have.
7) Everyone drinks and smokes. There's not a single person my age who doesn't.
Many, many teenagers do. But not each and every one. I know of plenty who do not and have a very good time with what they do. Another one designed to get parents to tolerate behavior they don't like.
8) If you let me off just this once, I'll promise I'll never do it again.
Another one parents want so badly to believe. Unfortunately, what the teenager usually learns here is that the parent really doesn't mean it about consequences. While in some ways it might be easier to let them off the hook, it teaches very little about the real world.
9 & 10) Give me one good reason why I can't do that!
This one gets two places because it is so common and so important. The crucial part not to believe here is that they are really asking for a legitimate answer to the question. After giving a well reasoned adult answer, here is something you will not hear from your teenager, "Well, thank you for explaining it that way to me folks! And now that you have, not only do I no longer what to do that, I'm embarrassed and ashamed for asking. Please forgive me and good night." If your teen ever says this, call me quickly, something is really wrong!
Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT, is a marriage and family therapist specializing in working with teenagers and their parents. A nationally syndicated relationship columnist and speaker, Jeff is also the founder and CEO of http://www.ParentingYourTeenager.com, where you can subscribe to his f'ree internet newsletter "ParentingYourTeenager." E-mail Jeff at jeff@parentingyourteenager.com
|
|
|
Raising Happy Diabetic Kids Part Iii Help Your Child Develop Self-control
This is the third and final article in a series I wrote about raising happy diabetic kids. While Juvenile Diabetes makes this job tougher the information in these articles applies to raising any child. Diabetic children aren't any different from other children. Their pancreas just doesn't work. However, the emotional toll that diabetes takes on a child, even when blood glucose levels are under fairly good control, must be taken into account whenever we consider what is best for them. We can be very helpful in raising children who are emotionally strong and better able to avoid and overcome these stresses brought on by diabetes by making sure they are raised with a strong foundation of t...(related: Parenting)
Top Ten Common Sense Rules For Fathers
There are a lot of sophisticated parenting theoriesand techniques out there. Many of them are widely usedand treated as the gospel. But if you want to be an effective father, you can skip most of them and concentrate on common sense rules that have always worked. They won't always make you the most popu...(related: Parenting)
How To Get Your Children Brand Free
Those of you that have children know what an excursion to the local mall or supermarket can be like. If you're not careful, this simple trip can easily become a wallet draining experience.How often have you heard:"I want Luchables beca...(related: Parenting)
Advocating For Your Child With Ld
Advocate: you've probably heard the term before. But what does it mean to you?
Advocating happens when you speak on behalf of someone else. You say for them what they can't say for themselves.
When you have a child who has been diagnosed with a learning disability, this is exactly what you must do for them. You must speak on their behalf. You know your child the best of anybody, and you are the best person to speak for them.
It sounds like a tall order, and it is. It is not always an easy thing to do. I know. I've been there. Even with a college degree and a special education classroom of...(related: Parenting)
How To Teach Anger Management To Your Child
Most of us recognize the continuing escalation of violence around us, due to intolerance, and many of us blame it on somebody else. Parents teach their children, all the time, and when one of us displays "road rage," while our child is in the car, we teach a brand new skill set.Although, road rage is inappropriate behavior, at any time, and can get you killed, most children who are exposed to it, will duplicate the actions of their parents, when they are old enough to drive.So the first step, is to set an example and, possibly, use some of these ideas, for yourself. Studies show that anger causes atherosclerosis, the build-up of plaques in the arteries, t...(related: Parenting)
Illegal And Legal Drug Usage In The United States
How bad is the illegal drug problem here in the US? Very bad and it alters the brain's thought process and causes a problem with human interaction and our natural socializing tendencies. The drugs are so diverse and so plentiful that it touches the lives of nearly every American in some way and certainly nearly every family in this country. We must be honest with ourselves. We have legal drugs, prescription drugs and illegal drugs. Caffeine is a drug that is wide spread in America. The verdict is out now, but what will we learn in the future after twenty ...(related: Parenting)
Teenagers Taking Risks
It can be hard being a parent with a teen going through what I term the 'I'm Invincible' phase. This is the phase when teens start doing scary and dangerous things (according to us parents) as a way of...(related: Parenting)
Children Need Roots And Wings
"Good parents give their children Roots and Wings." --Jonas SalkThe first time I heard this quote, it made me think. The two sound contradictory - roots and wings: one to tie us to the ground and the other to enable us to fly away.As I thought about it, however, I realized that, in fact, it clearly summed up the two primary responsibilities we have as parents: to provide a safe, nurturing e...(related: Parenting)
Ritalin (methylphenidate) In The Treatment Of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
Ritalin is a good medication with a bad reputation. Its name causes more fear in the hearts of parents than any other medication. It is the topic of radio talk shows, protests by the Church of Scientology, and negative newspaper articles. And yet, I wonder, if it is so very bad, why is it so "over-prescribed" as the critics claim? Let's explore the issue further, and gi...(related: Parenting)
Surprise ? Public School Class Size Doesnt Matter Very Much
School authorities often complain that classes are too large. They claim that teachers can't be expected to give their students the individual attention they need if there are too many students in the class. On the surface, this excuse seems to have some merit. Common sense tells us that in smaller classes, teachers can give more time and attention to each student.However, many studies show that smaller class size does not guarantee that children get a better education. The pupil-to-teacher ratio in public schools in the mid-1960s was about 24 to 1. This ratio dropped to about 17 to 1 by the early 1990s, which means the average cla...(related: Parenting)
site-map - Copyright © 2006 | Contact Webmaster | Baby Care Info | All Rights Reserved. | Parenting