Parentingyour Teenager: Dont Buy The I Dont Know And I Dont Care Attitude
|
|
"I don't know and I don't care."
I've heard those words more than a few times in my office. Sometimes I think "I don't know and I don't care" is the universal teen tribal motto.
So what to do?
I remember working with one kid who said absolutely nothing in the first session but "I don't know and I don't care" at least 10 times each.
So just before he came for his next session, I wrote "I don't know" on one side of a sheet of paper and "I don't care" on the other side. I then taped the piece of paper to the couch I thought he was most likely to sit on.
In comes the kid, cracks up laughing, tapes the paper to his shirt, and then begins to talk for the rest of the meeting.
3 Keys for How to Respond
I tell you the above story because it offers three keys on how to respond to "I don't know and I don't care."
1) Don't buy into what they are saying. It's just a way to try to get you to back off, and/or to see if you care enough to pursue them.
2) You simply must keep your sense of humor. Get hooked and get angry and you are dead in the water.
3) Do something different or unexpected. As parents we can become predictable.
If I can get parents to respond in ways that put a confused look on the face of a teen, I know we are getting somewhere.
A Fun Response
The next time you hear the words "I don't know" respond this way:
"Well, you know what, at your age it's OK not to know a whole lot. But if you did know, what would it be?"
I use this in my office all the time. Nine out of 10 times, the kid will answer and start talking.
One time out of 10 times a teen will respond with
"You are just asking the same question in a different way."
To which I respond
"You know what, you are right! And you have also just shown me how very bright you are, so quit playing dumb and answer the question."
In the face of the universal teen motto, remember:
Don't buy it, keep your sense of humor and don't get hooked.
Respond creatively and differently.
Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com to subscribe to Jeff Herring's free internet newsletter "Parenting Your Teenager" and the free 5 day e-program on the "5 Things to Avoid Saying to Your Teenager."
|
|
|
How To Take Charge Of The Tv
Many children enjoy TV, and they can learn from it. Keep inmind, though, that young children often imitate what theysee, good or bad. It's up to you to decide how much TV andwhat kinds of shows your child should watch.Think about y...(related: Parenting)
What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?
Q. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"A. "Something that hasn't been invented yet."Most of us were brought up to study hard, get good grades, choose a "practical" college major, and strive for a "good job."Talk to a stranded midlife career-changer and you realize the game has changed. Yesterday's rules prepared us to be passengers on a large ocean liner that promised a smooth voyage. Today we realize that ocean liner turned out to be the Titanic and we need to keep ourselves afloat on...(related: Parenting)
Responsible Fatherhood - A Unique And Irreplaceable Role!
Something happened the other day that made me feel uneasy.Yet I shouldn't have felt that way!My wife had left for work and I was hanging the washing outto dry. A neighbour from down the way was in his backyarddoing the same. 'Good day for drying', he called. 'Let'shope the rain stays away.'I had to think about what made me uneasy. Then it hit me.Two men hanging out the washing! When I was a kid that would never have happened. That was women's work, after all!And that made me think about the changing role of menandfatherhood.Change is seldom easy, hence the deeply buriedsense of unease - even in someone like me who considershimself an enlightened individual!The image of fatherhood has changed very much in recentyears, hasn't it?We've come a long way from the distant, unemotional,p...(related: Parenting)
Americas Public Schools --- Deteriorating Like They Did In Ancient Rome
The citizens of the early Roman Republic enjoyed an education system similar to ancient Athens. It was voluntary and parents paid tutors or schools directly. There was very little government interference, so a vibrant education free market of tutors, schools, and apprenticeships developed.One aspect of Roman society that compromised their education system was that Roman parents wanted their children to learn knowledge that only Greek teachers could provide. However, most Greeks in Rome at the time were slaves.As a result, th...(related: Parenting)
When Parents Disagree
Moms and dads, are there times you think that parenting would be easier if you didn't have to make family decisions? Having a partner that is not in agreement with your parenting ideas or discipline approaches is more than just frustrating. It can be a cause of division in even the best of relationships. Furthermore, how you handle your disagreements will have a direct impact on your relationship with your partner and with your children.It would be great if every couple agreed on everything but that is an unl...(related: Parenting)
From Good To Great: Secrets On Becoming A Better Dad
While most fathers aspire to become the best Dads they can, all too often life just seems to get in the way. Missed soccer games and bedtime stories, always "In a minute" or "Later" when asked to play. The years pass, and many are left to wonder why their kids don't seem to make time for THEM any more.As fathers, if we are to succeed in creating strong meaningful lasting bonds with our children, we need to find balance in our lives, and to ensure we make time for our family-letting them get to know the real us. No time? Don't worry! It's easier than you think. Here are seven easy ways to add quality time to your wee...(related: Parenting)
The Post-holiday Blues In Stepfamilies
In stepfamilies, big holiday expectations can lead to big disappointment--and post-holiday blues, says Susan Wisdom, a licensed professional counselor and co-author of "Stepcoupling."As a stepmom, I know about expectations. Every year, just before the holidays, I start thinking about how to recreate Christmas Eve at my grandmother's house. In her big two-story home, my family and I crowded into her dining room and kitchen with about two dozen relatives. We munched on turkey, cranberries and dressing, then topped off the meal with my grandma's home-made cookies. With my 14 siblings and cousins, I played board g...(related: Parenting)
Hints On How To Encourage Children To Read
Hints from Ruowen Wang? Keep a small basket filled with joke books, magazines, short stories, books of questions and answers, and books like Ripley's Believe It or Not in ea...(related: Parenting)
How Can I Teach My Child To Be Responsible?
Most of us when asked what we want our children to become, we include "responsible" among other things such as happy, fulfilled and caring. We want our children to learn to make wise choices, be responsible for their actions and live responsibly.Do we teach children to become responsible by simply giving them chores to do? That's part of it for sure but only part of it. What about learning to be responsible for their actions? What kind of messages do we give out that either encourage or discourage a child to become responsible? How are we at taking responsibility for ...(related: Parenting)
His Toy, Her Toy
I remember when my daughter was born. Visions of her and I dressed in pinks and purples sitting in her lacy pink room playing dolls danced threw my head. A year later my son was born ;My husbands vision of sports and trucks revved around like mad men threw his manly mind.Those dreams were simply that dreams. Little did I know there are lessons for parents to learn about children's toys and who are children will be.My daughter plays with dolls. She plays with clay and gets her hands dirty. She plays in the dirt, climbs trees and races her tru...(related: Parenting)
Can Mineral Deficiencies Lead To Behavioral Problems In Children?
A while ago I received this story from David in England, who wrote:
I am following your work with great interest as I am trying to get more information about the subject of ADD / ADHD for a friend of mine who was put in charge of such a child at school. She was given no training for this work nor was she given any backup. She was relieved to find that she was not the only one with this problem!
Although the child has finally been moved to another specialized school, it is likely that she will meet the problem again and so I am forwarding any relevant information to her that I can find.
Best regards, and carry on the good work,
David
Attached was a story from the Sunday Times of London, dated July, 1997. The headline read, "Zinc Diet Reduces Violence in Youths" written by Steve Connor,a Science...(related: Parenting)
Personal Honor
There are moments in a parent's or grandparent's life, when they receive validation for the way they are living, or, have lived, that life. These moments are usually quiet ones, with no fanfare celebrating the occasion. Yet, the importance of these moments has no equal. To those of us who have given of our time, our love, our care, ourselves, they are of far greater private, personal significance, than can be stated.A few years ago, I found myself in a personally trying situation. It was during this period that I was paid what I feel will be the finest compliment I shall ever receive. It concerned my conduct during this time. My eldest daughter remarked that she believed me to be the most honorabl...(related: Parenting)
site-map - Copyright © 2006 | Contact Webmaster | Baby Care Info | All Rights Reserved. | Parenting