Natural Disasters: Help Your Child Cope With The Anxiety
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How on earth can you help your family cope with the anxietyand fear that natural disasters strike into the heart ofeveryone?
In early 2005, for example, the world was rocked by thetsunami in South East Asia that killed thousands and leftmany homeless and orphaned.
Yet, at the Edinburgh International Festival yesterday I sawa group of Sri Lankan children, all victims of this naturaldisaster, perform a dance routine based on a play byShakespeare.
Their smiling faces and youthful exuberance left no one inany doubt that these kids had not only survived, but hadbeen helped to grieve, move on, and live life to the fullagain.
It can be done.
But what of our own kids, who have not suffered the actualexperience of a disaster? They may nevertheless fall prey to an insidious and potentially devastating trauma.
This is unacknowledged fear or anxiety, andmany parents maybe unaware that it's happening to their own kids under theirvery noses.
I say unacknowledged anxiety because often childrenthemselves don't recognise it for what it is. And that'swhen real trouble starts!
Often our kids witness disasters on TV. If they're shockedor horrified, and are reluctant to talk about theirresponse, the fear can become repressed. It then manifests in 'side effects' such as physical ailments, school problems, relationship difficulties, or loss of confidence.
So what can parents do to help?
First of all we must realise that kids take in more than wethink they do.
For example, when the AIDS crisis was preoccupying everyradio and TV station in the western world it never dawned onmy wife and I that our young kids would even think about it.We thought they were too wrapped up in Star Wars or The Care Bears or whatever the current fads were.
We noticed that one of our sons was becoming untypicallyfretful and anxious, and wasn't sleeping well.
During a particularly bad episode one night, it all cameout. He didn't know what the AIDS crisis was, but itterrified him! He was shaking uncontrollably, and thought wewere all going to die horrible deaths very soon.
We overcame this problem, and I've since learned that ourson's reaction was similar to that of many kids' when theydon't fully understand something - and we parents go aboutour business in blissful ignorance!
So first of all, be aware that natural disasters, and evenhuman atrocities like terrorist events, can make a deepimpact on even very young children.
Bring the kids into the discussion. Avoid playing down thereality of these events, and allow the kids to express theirfeelings openly and frankly.
Having dealt with the horrors - and trust me, the kids willfeel better after talking about them! - concentrate on otheraspects of the subject.
First of all, make a frank assessment of the likelihood ofit happening to them.
If there's been an earthquake somewhere, and you live in anarea that's not likely to be affected by one, let them know.If you do live in an earthquake zone, stress the procedures to be followed in the event.
But also look for the GOOD springing from disasters oraccidents: people rally round; poor countries have theirdebts written off; measures are taken (such as building sea walls and early detectors) to ensure the disasterdoesn't happen again . . . And discuss ways the kids themselves can help, like fund raising.
Most importantly, provide emotional support when fearstrikes. The awareness that there's a strong, warm,comforting adult presence - a pillar of strength in theirlives - can work wonders.
To sum up: Be aware of the kids' reactions, talk out theirfears, look for ways to take helpful action, and provide theemotional support your kids need.
Do this, and you can rest assured your kids will cope with the news of disasters and atrocities, which in modern life are all too inevitable.
Happy parenting!
Why do some parents and children succeed, while othersfail?Frank McGinty is an internationally published author andteacher. If you want to develop your parentingskills and encourage your kids to be all they can be, visit his web pages, http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.htmland http://www.frank-mcginty.com/for-parents.html
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