Marriage, Divorce, And Kids
|
|
Are men to blame for the divorce problem in this country?
It's been said that one of the reasons for the high rate of divorce in this country is the manner in which men choose their wives. Specifically, they choose their wives in a fashion similar to how they choose their next car.
They get the best-looking one available, and hope there'snot much maintenance down the road.
While this may occasionally be true, there are alsopractices that married couples need to follow toavoid adding to a divorce rate hovering around 50%. These practices are important for the success of your marriage, and they're also essential for the well-being of your children.
In Maggie Gallagher's book, "The Abolition of Marriage," she states that, "Half of all children will witness the breakup of a parent's marriage. Of these, close to half will also see the breakup of a parent's second marriage."
Can we possibly continue with a system in whichhalf of our children witness the breakup oftheir parent's marriage? Is a divorce rate near50% enough to have us consider new ideas about howwe decide about marriage and divorce?
One idea we might consider is educating young peopleabout the qualities of a successful marriage. The best way to do this is to model these qualities for your children. In addition, we cantalk to them about the specific qualities and actions which make a marriage successful.
Here are some of those qualities:
1. Commitment-According to one definition,"Commitment is a freely chosen inner resolve tofollow through with a course even thoughdifficulty arises. How do we show our childrenwhat to do when difficulty arises? Do we move towhere the grass is greener? Commitment is a dailydiscipline. It's the chat after dinner, and the kiss before work. It's the core from which we respond to difficulty. It's what makes our lives richer and deeper.
2. Emotional Awareness-If we know what's reallybothering us, we can have effective and meaningfulconversations with our spouse. We can be genuine,honest, and open with each other. And we candiscover that much of the pain we feel in ourrelationship is actually our past emotionalhistory coming back to haunt us.
If you're planning on getting married someday, youneed to be aware of what your emotional issues are. Ifyou're not aware of them, you're a great candidate to add to a divorce rate that's already staggering.
3. Be Kind, Not Right-We tend to have a tremendousstake in showing our loved ones that we're right. An enormous amount of time is wasted in our relationships by arguing over who's right or wrong. This excessive arguing is just an indication of our low self-esteem. A much easier and more effective way to be in a relationship is to commit to kindness. When you're kind, you don't need to be right. And it's so much easier for others to be with you!
There certainly are divorces that are respectful of children, and many may be "justifiable." But the number of divorces thatdamage children's lives' is mind-blowing. And the trail behind them is strewn with actions and decisions that reek of childishself-interest.
It's time for couples to grow up. It's time to stop looking to "get your needs met" in your relationship, and to start looking to meet the needs of your family. It's time to stop running away when thingsget difficult, and to start persevering through the pain.
And most importantly, it's time to see the real impact of divorce onchildren.
Because the cost of not doing these things is beyond measure.
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches busy parents byphone to balance their life and improve their familyrelationships. For a FREE twenty minute sample session by phone; ebooks, courses, articles, and a FREE newsletter, go to http://www.markbrandenburg.com or email him at mark@markbrandenburg.com.
|
|
|
The Old And The New
During one "generation gap" quarrel with his parents young Michael cried, "I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving. Don't try and stop me!" With that he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed close behind. "Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try and stop me." "Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father. "If you wait a minute, I'll go with you."This is a joke doing its rounds on how the new generation gap has taken shape!The friction between the young and old exists for ages. The joint family concept had the elders putting the flame o...(related: Parenting)
Create A Story Book With Your Child
A fun way to build your child's imaginationWriting is still one of our major forms of communication as well as a great way to express ourselves. Creating a storybook with your child is...(related: Parenting)
Clean Your House Green For Your Children?s Sake
My thirteen-year-old daughter recently called me up to say she had cleaned the whole kitchen and bathroom herself. So many emotions ran through me at that moment. First, I was shocked by the fact that no one asked her to do so. I was also happy that she had done this but anxious at the same time because this was a Thursday afternoon and knowing that during the next 24 hours would come my payback, a ride home from a party or a couple of her friends sl...(related: Parenting)
Are You Too Busy For Your Kids?
In his recent newsletter "Happy Kids", parenting expert Michael Grose (yes he is an expert with three kids of his own) said:Australian parents currently rate achieving work-family balance as their greatest parenting challenge. Currently, 71% of Australian parents say they have difficulty finding time to do the things they enjoy with their children.So what are the key relationship-builders to focus on when you are busy and life is full on?A number of di...(related: Parenting)
Dinner Table Drama
It has been a long day. Home from work, you put together a nice, healthy dinner for the entire family to enjoy. Gathering the family around the table, you sit down to eat and within a minute, a voice pipes up, "I don't like anything." Encouraging, you say...(related: Parenting)
Visiting The Library
Libraries offer more than books. They are places of learningand discovery for everyone. Ask at the library aboutgetting a library card in your child's name and, if you don'talready have one, get a card for yourself.The Librari...(related: Parenting)
Legacy To Your Children
John Bishop's Goal Setting for Students.comLegacy to Your ChildrenIt's 6:30 at night and you just got home from a long day at work, but the day's not over yet. First, there's dinner, then homework and don't forget the chores. And, you have to finish a proposal for an important meeting tomorrow morning. Add a little stress from the monthly bills and the possibility of your company being downsized and you have pressures of the far too many US families.In addition, your children live in a rapid paced, MTV world where they are bombarded with media messages that define success as "bigger, better, faster," and "you can have it now ? and not have to work hard to get it." All too often the message...(related: Parenting)
Potty Training Caveats- Dont Start Too Soon
The First Reason: For one thing, child development experts are concerned that previous generations of parents were putting too much pressure on their children to potty train early. Children were often being punished for not learning to use the toilet.Another Reason: Behind the delayed...(related: Parenting)
Develop Your Childs Critical Thinking Skills
1. Encourage Questions.Don't answer every question, instead ask what do they think. Asking questions stimulates conversation between you and your child.2. Don't Critic...(related: Parenting)
The Science Of Mother Love
A growing body of scientific evidence shows that the way babies are cared for by their mothers will determine not only their emotional development, but the biological development of the child's brain and central nervous system as well. The nature of love, and how the capacity to love develops, has become the subject of scientific study over the last decade. New data is emerging from a multitude of disciplines including neurology, psychology, biology, ethology, anthrop...(related: Parenting)
site-map - Copyright © 2006 | Contact Webmaster | Baby Care Info | All Rights Reserved. | Parenting