How To Foster An Environment For Successful Communications With Your Child
|
|
As parents, we strive to address all of the questions asked by our children. If we don't have the answer, or don't like the question, we would never think of ignoring the child. We do not accept improper communication as acceptable behavior. Most parents, however, are quick to excuse or overlook the behavior of their child when he / she reacts the same way and are often left wondering when the lines of communication broke.
Picture this: Five year-old Jason is riding home from school with his father. Jay's favorite CD, the Shrek soundtrack, is in the player and while he usually sings along, today he doesn't appear to be paying attention to it. Two blocks away from their house, they pass the softball field where a game is in progress. Dad announces "Jay, when we get home, you're going to need to clean-up all the toys on the floor in your room. We wouldn't want anyone to fall." Jay doesn't respond. Dad knows that cleaning up toys is one of Jay's least favorite activities so he waits a few moments and tries again. Still no response.
In the pause between tracks on the Shrek CD, Dad tries to get Jay's attention again by simply speaking louder, keeping his tone warm and pleasant. And again, his comment is met with no acknowledgement from his child. Turning on to their street, Dad loses his patience and raises his voice, barking a command that Jay is to march straight to his room and clean up his toys "for the fourth time!" Jolted to action, Jay rushes out of the car when they return home and heads straight to his room, not emerging until dinner time.
The interaction between Jay and his father is the result of a non-verbal agreement between them. Reinforced by previous similar exchanges, Jay's parents have fostered an environment where they have tolerated his lack of response to their directions, and he has learned that his lack of communication is acceptable behavior.
Children are by nature easily distracted and not always responsive to their environment. It is the responsibility of the parent to emphasize positive patterns of communication and ensure the child learns that ignoring communication is not acceptable. Early prevention, in the form of educating your child about the proper forms of communication, is the key to ensuring that the non-verbal agreement does not take hold.
If your child has already grown accustomed to this style of communication, here are some essentials to assist you in addressing the situation:
Talk: To your child, and explain to them in age-appropriate terms how they are communicating and why it doesn't work.
Show: Your child how to communicate effectively, even when the questions are hard. Role-play a conversation to show them a more effective way to communicate.
Practice: Be sure you are aware of yourself and the way in which you communicate to others. Children model adult behaviors. Be sure you are not guilty of poor patterns of communication with your spouse or parenting partner.
Be Consistent: Be constant in the manner in which you communicate with you child. Send the same message with each and every interaction. Allow your child to see that you will call their attention to those times that the unwanted behavior rears its ugly head.
Remember: Kids will be kids and they will sometimes be distractive and non-communicative. You are the expert in knowing your child's behavior and can best judge the improvement in their communications. The best way to ensure healthy communication patterns is to model positive communication skills.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:Dr. Charles Sophy currently serves as Medical Director for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS), which is responsible for the health, safety and welfare of nearly 40,000 foster children. He also has a private psychiatry practice in Beverly Hills, California. Dr. Sophy has lectured extensively and is an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California Los Angeles Neuro-Psychiatric Institute. His lectures and teachings are consistently ranked as among the best by those in attendance.
Dr. Charles Sophy, author of the "Keep 'Em Off My Couch" blog, provides real simple answers for solving life's biggest problems. He specializes in improving the mental health of children. To contact Dr. Sophy, visit his blog at http://drsophy.com.
|
|
|
I Dont Believe In Adhd
O.K. I've heard it a hundred times from my prison guard friends, "I don't believe that there is such a thing as ADD. It's only something made up from the drug companies to drug our children." They know because they read an article in a magazine, or saw a show on TV once. I guess they also believe in aliens in government, and that Elvis still lives somewhere in Oklahoma.
Look, there are lots of physical differences between the actual brains of people with ADD and those who don't have it, and there are also functional differences in the way that their brain...(related: Parenting)
Mommies And Me Special Time
Creating and making special memories with your child is very important, especially for your child's development.Special memories also help build a relationship with your child that will last a lifetime. Moms often do not have the money they would like to spend to do things with their children.With that in mind, I have put together activities I used to do with my son (who is now 17 and still remembers doing these activates with me). Some activit...(related: Parenting)
Adhd: A Dialogue With A Non-believer, Part Five
Dear Sir,
It was with some interest that I read the article What You Should Know About Attention Deficit Disorder by Edward W. after having it handed to me by a member of our church. There were elements of the article that were insightful, helpful, and needed to be said in a public forum, especially the discussion of the moral and spiritual dimensions of behavior. For this part of the article I applaud Mr. W.
However, Mr. W's discussion on the physiological/biological aspects of ADD ADHD was lacking to the point of being misleading to th...(related: Parenting)
Book Review: The Ring Bear Depicts Turmoil Of Becoming A Stepchild
In "The Ring Bear," a picture book by Tigard resident David Michael Slater (Flashlight Press, 2004), a single mother and her son, Westley, love to play rascally pirates. Like many single parents and their kids, it's clear the mom and her son are incredibly close: They've created their own fantasy world about Westley the Wicked and Mom the Mean.Enter Stan, Mom's boyfriend, who sometimes co...(related: Parenting)
Are You Frustrated With Public Schools?
Join a growing number of parents and teachers!Fact: Last year, our nation spent over $382 Billion on education. Over 99% was spent on developing "learning environments" - buildings, books, science labs, teachers, sports programs, etc. The other part of the equation ? what children can do for their education - is almost entirely overlooked.<...(related: Parenting)
Is It Attention Deficit Disorder Or Is It Tourettes Syndrome?
During the assessment process it is of great importance for the physician or clinician to consider other possible causes of inattention, impulsivity, or hyperactivity in your child (or teen, or yourself). In fact, this is probably the most important element of a good assessment. There are several possible causes of these behaviors, especially in children, and the clini...(related: Parenting)
Public-school Teachers Know Best --- They Send Their Kids To Private Schools
A study done by the Thomas B. Fordham Institute found that nationwide, public-school teachers are almost twice as likely as other parents to send their children to a private school. The study also found that more than one in five public-school teachers send their kids to private schools.In the biggest cities across America, the statistics get even more startling. In Washington, D.C., Baltimore, and 16 other big cities, more than 1 out of 4 public-school teacher's kids attend private schools. In some cities, almost half the public-school teachers do this. For example, in Philadelphia, 44 percent, and in Cincinnati, 41 percent of public-school teachers sent ...(related: Parenting)
Twelve Tips To Connect With Teachers At Conference Time
It's that time again! Parent-teacher conferences are coming. Are you nervous? Excited? Confused? It takes teamwork to raise kids. Teachers are part of the team, but sometimes it feels like you're on opposite sides of the fence. Connecting with teachers can help bring out the best in your kids. Here are twelve tips to make conference time a productive, team building experience.1. Talk with your child before conferences. Ask: "What's the best thing and worst thing about school for you right now?" "What would be most helpful for me to know before meeting your teacher?" "How are you feeling about school, and what are you needing?" Listen more than you talk to draw out their thoughts.2. Identify feelin...(related: Parenting)
Bedtime And Sleep Habits
Bedtime and children's sleep habits can cause nightmares - for parents, that is! Often at the end of a long day all you want is a little peace and time for yourself. After all, you have probably devoted the entire to the service of children in some form.Whether it is putting bread on the table or being gainfully employed in an unpaid position as housekeeper and cook, you deserve a break.Come on, kids, be reasonable!But children do not always see bed-time from a parent's perspective. They often dispute calls for bed and complain loudly that it is too early.None of the other kids at school go to bed at 8 o'clock, Mum. "It's not fair." is the sort o...(related: Parenting)
Teacher Tips: Your Room Set-up And Adhd Students
Thank you to all of our professional educators who dedicate themselves to our children! We know how difficult it can be working with ADHD children, so here are your teacher tips for the week, brought to you by the ADHD Information Library and ADDinSchool.com. You can read over 500 classro...(related: Parenting)
site-map - Copyright © 2006 | Contact Webmaster | Baby Care Info | All Rights Reserved. | Parenting