How Can I Teach My Child To Be Responsible?
|
|
Most of us when asked what we want our children to become, we include "responsible" among other things such as happy, fulfilled and caring. We want our children to learn to make wise choices, be responsible for their actions and live responsibly.
Do we teach children to become responsible by simply giving them chores to do? That's part of it for sure but only part of it. What about learning to be responsible for their actions? What kind of messages do we give out that either encourage or discourage a child to become responsible? How are we at taking responsibility for our actions?
Expecting children to participate in the running of the household can begin as soon as they learn to walk. It simply makes a statement that they are a valued member of the household and are capable of making a contribution. We can start by providing hooks at their level so they can hang up their coats, by providing large plastic bins so toys can be easily accessed and put away, and by providing plastic dinnerware so they can clear their own dishes away. The older children become, responsibilities can be added according to what you're comfortable with and what is appropriate for their age. If we get into the habit of always doing things for them that they can do for themselves, we give them the message that they're not capable.
When we discipline through natural and logical consequences we teach children to become responsible for their behavior. Physical punishment, nagging and lecturing seldom works in teaching a child to act responsibly. They instead learn to fear us and the result is a parent/child relationship that is not based around mutual trust and respect. Our job as parents is to help make children accountable for their behavior.
Offering choices provides many opportunities for children to learn responsibility. Life is all about choices and we can begin offering a choice of 2 or 3 things to toddlers. They learn to live with the consequences of their choices and it says to them that they are capable of making a choice which in turn encourages mutual respect and a healthy sense of self-worth.
How often do we as parents take on the problems of our children when in fact it's they who own the problem? We become overly anxious around homework not completed, an argument with a friend, or any number of things that truly have nothing to do with us. When we allow our children to take ownership of their own problems and learn to detach ourselves, we teach them to become responsible for their actions. We also give them the message that we know they are capable of handling the problem. We can instead offer guidance with questions such as: "What would you do differently next time?" "What do you think will happen if you don't finish this?" We can still guide and support without fixing.
How are we at assuming responsibility for our own actions? Are we quick to blame others for things that go wrong or do we take ownership for our part in a problem? If we constantly blame others for things that go wrong in our lives, we teach our children to become victims. They don't learn that the only person that can fully take charge of what happens to us, is ourselves. People who live responsibly take action to change rather than react and blame others.
Recommended reading: "Raising a Responsible Child" by Dr. Don Dinkmeyer and Dr. Gary McKay.
Barbara Desmarais is a Parenting and Life Coach. She works with parents both privately and in groups helping them to find solutions to their parenting challenges. She has worked with parents for over 16 years.
|
|
|
Strong-willed Kids: Raising A Spirited Child
Sometimes a change of perspective can make a huge difference for parents when their children's behaviour worries them. This point was evident recently when I was involved in a minor disagreement with one of my daughters.I was annoyed that she dug her heels in and refused to give me any ground while we discussing the issue of bed-time. As she went off to her room with a victorious look on her face I said through gritted teeth, "She can be so pig-hea...(related: Parenting)
Putting Your Child To Bed
Are you glad for the chance to put your child to bed? Is this a great time for you and your kids or is it serious business? Is it a time in your day you look forward to, ...(related: Parenting)
The Seven Keys To Child Obedience
Learning obedience is an important part of child development. This is the tool that allows you as parents to train your child. Through obedience your child will learn self-control and develop other positive character traits that he will need as an adult.However, obedience cannot be forced upon the child. Parents who simply command their children will foster resentment, which will eventually lead to rebellion. In fact, some researchers feel that poor parenting techniques contribute to the development of oppositional defiant disorderin some children. Although you can punish a child for not obeying, this will not foster any long-term obedience. When the child reaches his teen years and becomes more independent, punishment will only serve to destroy the already faltering parent child relationship.Our goal...(related: Parenting)
Choosing A Daycare Or Pre-school ? Top Ten Safety Tips
When it's time to put your child into a daycare or pre-school, there is some homework involved. Here are the top ten safety tips that are useful when looking for a pre-school or daycare center.1. Take the time to make sure the program is reputable and whether the facilit...(related: Parenting)
In Defense Of The Jelly Bean
Should a parent give a child a tangible reward when he or she has behaved properly or performed some important task such as doing homework, or helping around the house? Understandably, many parents are hesitant to use incentives, such as prizes, or food treats, to influence their children, especially considering the negative comments by some, b...(related: Parenting)
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: What Do We Mean By Attention Anyway?
When we talk about attention, we are talking about two different kinds of abilities: The ability to focus on a specific task put in front of us to do, such as school work, and the ability to pay attention in a more global sense...(related: Parenting)
Five Tips For Successful Grandparenting
1. Boundaries are necessary for control and safety.All children need and must learn to respect boundaries. Being clear about expectations before an activity begins frees you and the child to enjoy the event and ensures the safety of everyone involved. If you observe the ...(related: Parenting)
Time Out For Adults
"Get down from the table top right now! What are you doing? Floors are for standing on, tables are for eating. You need a time out, young lady. You go to your room and think about how you have been acting today."So little Mary, 4, goes to her room with a sulky look on her face, but is quickly lost in a game with her d...(related: Parenting)
Raising A Self-sufficient Teen
Teens don't learn responsibility overnight. If you haven't been working with your teen on gradually giving them a sense of independence and ownership of their lives, then you're going to have your work cut out for you. Don't wait until it's too late.By the time your children are in high school, they should be doing for themselves a lot of the things you've been doing for them all of...(related: Parenting)
School Days - Top 10 Tips For Establishing A Good Routine
Teachers know that children thrive in an environment withroutines, boundaries and rules. Unfortunately, parents oftenforget it! And yet by establishing good routines andencouraging children to help you maintain them, you have anopportunity to set a pattern and a discipline that ...(related: Parenting)
Uniforms
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 31, 2004I am concerned about my daughter, "Julie." She is 16 and a junior in high school. She gets fair grades, doesn't get into a lot of trouble, and doesn't smoke or do drugs as far as I know. Why the concern, you ask? It's the way she dresses.Julie likes to wear baggy pants, T-shirts with rock band logos, skull and crossbones, or phrases such as "Psycho." She wears chains and studs on her pants, wrists, and neck. Ninety percent of her clothes are black. Just two weeks ago she cut her gorgeous, waist length white-blonde hair, dyed it black and pink, and now spikes it every day!I would like Julie to have her individual style, but I think sh...(related: Parenting)
When Everybody Does It Comes Back To Haunt You
Parental example, whether for good or for bad, is undoubtedly the most powerful influence on a child's moral and social development.
If we are to succeed at all in bringing up our children in the way we want them to grow up, we have to be mindful of this day and night. Let's ...(related: Parenting)
site-map - Copyright © 2006 | Contact Webmaster | Baby Care Info | All Rights Reserved. | Parenting