Help My Preteen/teenager Is Driving Me Nuts!
|
|
Do you feel like someone has abducted your sweet, innocent child and replaced them with a monster? Are you confused that somehow you have gone from knowing everything as a parent, to knowing absolutely nothing? Welcome to being a parent of a preteen/teenager. It is a brave new world. Being a preteen/teenager is difficult and being a parent of one is difficult as well. In this article, I will address just a few of the many "normal" aspects of adolescence and how to survive as a parent.
I have been a therapist for over 18 years now and have seen hundreds of adolescents. If I had a dollar for every time a parent said to me, "If I talked the way my kids talk to me when I was a child I wouldn't be able to get off the floor." I would be rich. Yes, talking back is normal. I also quickly add not acceptable. Our society through TV programs and in general does not show respect. Most sitcoms delight in making the parents look like idiots, gone are the days of the strong parents like the Cosby family. So, our society does not show respect and our children model that with us. Another normal aspect of preteen/teenagers is to think their parents know very little due to us growing up with dinosaurs or at least without VCRS much less DVD players, anyway. Most adolescents get all their information from their peers, who unfortunately don't always give good advice. Acting like a "baby" one minute and an "adult" the next is extremely common. It is an extremely confusing time for them. Part of them craves the security and the easiness of childhood and another part "needs" the freedom and independence of being adult (they often forget the responsibility part). So, as a parent you are never really sure who you are talking to at any given moment. Do I have the "baby" who wants my support or am I talking to the "adult" who wants to make his or her own decisions? We often pick the wrong one.
So, what can a parent due to survive? In my e-book, "Help My Preteen/TeenagerIs Driving Me Nuts!!!" I list several strategies. Here are a few of those strategies.
1. When your child is talking back. Do not engage in conversation with them and certainly do not do something special for them, like taking them to the mall.
2. Try not to give unsolicited advice. I'm not saying quit parenting all together, but advice is often listened to more when your child asks for it.
3. Make sure you spend time listening to your children. Take any opportunity even if it is at 11:00pm to listen when your child is willing to talk.
4. Talk to the parents of your child's friends and have a curfew that everyone agrees on. There is strength in numbers for parents as well. Then, you can say not "everyone" gets to stay out later than your child.
5. Talk to other parents for support. Often, when our children are small we share a lot with other parents. Sometimes, when our children get to be teenagers we keep silent. It really helps to know you are not the only parent having a difficult time.
In conclusion, it is tough being a teenager and a parent of one, but everyone involved can survive. Remember the favorite phrase, "This too shall pass." You didn't think your children would ever get out of diapers and now look, they are teenagers. Teenagers still need you, so stay involved in their lives. Learn about their friends and be willing to listen at anytime. Also, remember some of their seemingly strange quirks are really quite normal.
© 2005 Kimberly Chastain
Kimberly Chastain, MS, LMFT is the Christian Working Mom Coach and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She was recently featured in the book the Myth of the Perfect Mother. She is the author of "Help My Preteen/Teenager is Driving Me Nuts!!!" To purchase a copy of this e-book please visit http://www.kimberlychastain.com/parenting. To schedule a free, initial coaching session send an email to free@kimberlychastain.com or visit http://www.christianworkingmom.com
The text information box above MUST be included for reprint privileges. You may reprint this article in it's entirety with the attached text box.
|
|
|
Kids Party Etiquette For Parents
Ever feel like you're out of the loop when it comes to the unspoken rules of kids party etiquette?Experienced Moms and Dads know the do's and don'ts of both hosting and attending kids parties.Here are some pearls of wisdom from these parent experts to those just starting out on the party circuit...INVITATIONSThe rule of thumb passed down by experienced Moms a...(related: Parenting)
Back To School - Disappontment?
Our back-to-school buying habits do not help kids succeed in the classroom!Parents are buying new book bags, school clothes, tennis shoes, notebooks, pens, etc., with the mistaken belief that this will help their child succeed in school. By mid-September the clothes will be dirty, the book bag will be torn, the new pens will be lost, and the notebook will have writing all over the cover. Additionally, those "in" sneakers will suddenly be "out" and the new "must have or I'll die" pair will cost you another $125.The back to school retail season is the second most important market for retailers ? a staggering $14 Billion is spend from mid July until mid-September to get our children ready for the new sc...(related: Parenting)
8 Tips To Save On Child Care Costs
Child care costs are are one of the most expensive costs associated with going back to work. Finding ways to cut down on child care costs without sacrificing quality child care is a top priority for all working parents. Here are a few ideas that can help trim your child care costs without sacrificing child care quality:See if your employer has a child care flexible spending account. This is a special account that the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) - http://www.irs.gov/faqs/faq-kw87.html - created that allows you to set aside money for child care expenses with pre-tax dollars. Y...(related: Parenting)
The Post-holiday Blues In Stepfamilies
In stepfamilies, big holiday expectations can lead to big disappointment--and post-holiday blues, says Susan Wisdom, a licensed professional counselor and co-author of "Stepcoupling."As a stepmom, I know about expectations. Every year, just before the holidays, I start thinking about how to recreate Christmas Eve at my grandmother's house. In her big two-story home, my family and I crowded into her dining room and kitchen with about two dozen relatives. We munched on turkey, cranberries and dressing, then topped off the meal with my grandma's home-made cookies. With my 14 siblings and cousins, I played board g...(related: Parenting)
Backpacks And Bullies. Is Your Child Prepared?
As the flurry of Back to School activities subside, parents are left to ponder more pressing issues than notebooks, backpacks, and sneakers.Will my child succeed this year? Will his academic and social growth meet my hopes and expectations? Have I done everything I can to make this possible?If you haven't prepared your child for the school bully, not only could your dreams and aspirations end in failure, but your child could fall victim to the violence, and suffer long-lasting repercussions.Make no mistake; bullying is a form of violence. Experts estimate that almost 75% of today's youth will be involved in some aspect of bullying before they enter high school. And chances are, your child will be among...(related: Parenting)
10 Signs That Your Teen Is Using Drugs
Did you know that over 75% of teens aged 16-17 report that obtaining marijuana is "easy or fairly easy?" Or that 25% of youths between 12 and 17 say the same of crack?When children start using drugs they usually exhibit many different signs that parents need to watch out for. Unfortunately, many parents often write-off these signs as normal adolescent behavio...(related: Parenting)
Your Checking Account
Checking accounts are an absolute necessity these days. You can either have a checking account or run to the bank or other outlet for money orders. Many people pay for almost everything with a check including groceries, gas, clothes and a long list of other things. When you add an ATM card to this picture, your chances for a potential problem is greatly enhanced.Don't get me wrong. There are many people that can keep their check book up to date, even deducting all of the ATM advances and automatic withdrawals as they make them. However, too many people that write checks for everything wind up not entering a check when it is written or an ATM advance when it is made. The result is a bounced check fee ...(related: Parenting)
Diaper Bags For Dads - Papas Got A Brand New Bag
Today's dads are more hands-on than ever before and their involvement is being rewarded with parenting gear designed with men in mind. Many items that have typically been designed for the maternal side of the parental equation are now being introduced in masculine styles, colors, and fabrics, including diaper bags, baby carriers, and strollers.For many parents a diaper bag is such an essential part of baby's first years that it only makes sense to give daddy his due ? one simply cannot expect a man to tote around the little one's belongings in a feminine diaper bag with dignity and enthusiasm. In that scenario dad will spend more time trying not to be seen than attending to baby.The selection of a diaper bag for dad is dependant on many factors, but for those new to the game we offer these sim...(related: Parenting)
Develop Your Childs Genius - Developing Leadership Qualities
Often I have heard that leaders are born, not made. Do you think this is true? How many times did you read a biography of a great leader, and discovered that as a child, he has been quiet, reserved and rather shy? Are those natural qualities of a leader? Of course not! These people have developed their leadership qualities later in life.Would you like your child to be a leader?What are the qualities of a leader?Here are some of the qualities required to be a leader, and how you can encourage the development of these qualiti...(related: Parenting)
Our Recommended Eating Program For Adhd
Below is a copy of our eating program for Attention Deficit Disorder - ADD ADHD kids. It is not a very strict program, unless you are used to having most meals at your local fast food restaurant. The information on Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder presented here from the ADD Information Library is for educational purposes only. It is not intended to replace the expert and professional advice of your physician, psychologist, or therapist. Always seek help from qualif...(related: Parenting)
site-map - Copyright © 2006 | Contact Webmaster | Baby Care Info | All Rights Reserved. | Parenting