Getting Through To Your Teenager
|
|
Have you ever watched your teenager make a mistake (that you've made yourself) after you've warned them at least a thousand times? Is there anything more frustrating as a parent?
Well, this is somewhat typical in most "normal" households across America. We (parents) screw up, tell our children about it, and what do they do? They go out and repeat the same mistake. It makes you question your own gene pool.
In actuality, the problem isn't with the teenager (at least not all of it), the problem is in our approach to teaching our teenager the lesson we want them to learn. In a sense, we act just as crazy sometimes; we teach them using the same strategies that didn't work a month or year ago. We should be asking ourselves, when will we learn from our past mistakes?
Here's a better approach that I've experimented with few times with my own students. It's a modified version of the Socratic method. You simply lead your teenager to a predetermined answer that they come up with on their own. That's it. I know it sounds easy, but it takes quite a bit of practice. Allow me to demonstrate.
A parent of one of my students confided in me that her son was hanging around a dangerous group of boys in the neighborhood. She believed his friends were possibly into drugs, gang violence, and other criminal activity. With no father figure in the home, she thought maybe I could "get through" to him.
I asked her, "What have you said to him?" She replied, "I've told him at least a hundred times that his friends are up to no good, and they're going to eventually get him into trouble and jeopardize his future." She continued, as she cried, "I told him that I made the same mistake when I was his age, and he didn't want to go through the pain I did. I just can't get him to listen."
A lot of us can relate to this mother's frustration. We want so much for our children to avoid the mistakes we made. We can't understand why they can't understand our concern, and we become frustrated and sometimes even angry.
Well, I agreed to meet with her son after class. But I decided to use a different approach. I figured the old approach wasn't working, so what did I have to lose? After a little small talk, I simply asked a couple of simple questions, "Who are your three closest friends?" After he gave their names (all part of the group his mom disliked), I asked him a second question, "If you died tonight, and you had children, would you want any of those friends raising your son or daughter?"
After an extremely long pause, I let him off the hook by saying, "You don't have to give me the answer, but I do want you to ask yourself another question. If you wouldn't let them raise your children in the future, then why are spending most of your time with them today?" That was the end of our discussion.
This little episode may or may not have put him on the right track, but it did one thing his mother was unable to do ? get through to him. He now had to make his own decision based on his own reality, not his mother or his teacher ? and then accept responsibility for the consequences of that decision.
And that's all you can really do for teenagers?get them to think for themselves. If you did a good job teaching your children in the early years, the growing process (including the mistakes) is a lot easier to accept.
The key to getting through to your teenager is to say less, and ask more in order to get them to do more thinking. The more you say, the less they'll think. And the less they think, the more mistakes they're inclined to make. So, take your own advice, learn from your past mistakes by adopting a new approach.
Dr. Joe Martin is an award-winning speaker, author, professor, and educational consultant and owner of New Teacher Success. Visit http://www.newteachersuccess.com today!
|
|
|
The Mystery Of Picky Eaters
If you were to ask 100 parents why they think their children are picky eaters, chances are you would get 90 different answers. Although we know some children are picky eaters for no apparent reason, most are hard to please when it comes to food for two reasons ? they are naturally fussy about tastes and textures or they have a learned behavior about food.If you have a picky eater in your house, you are NOT alone! In fact, this is a very common complaint among parents. In addition to being frustrating, parents also worry that their child is not getting the appropriate nutrients needed for their growing bodies. With picky eaters, you typically see one of two things happening. First, you will find the child who simply has no interest in trying anything unfamiliar and second, you have the child who has no i...(related: Parenting)
Ten Tips To Stimulate Your Newborns Senses
A number of scientific studies have shown the way a baby uses her senses in the early months of life is crucial to future development. A baby, whose senses are stimulated develop a sharper memory, inquisitiveness and a better concentration. Besides, babies who are stimulated attain developmental milestones earlier have superior muscle coordination, and a safer and sounder personality.Here a few effective tips that you will find par...(related: Parenting)
Ten Terrific Ideas For Rainy Day Fun
It's been raining for a week and the kids and bored and restless. How do you cure those rainy day blahs? Try some of these parent tested and kid approved ideas and your children will be hoping for another rainy day when the sun finally peaks through.1. Share a book. Pick an action packed, funny book and take turns reading aloud. Some great choices are My Brother Louis Measures Worms by Bar...(related: Parenting)
Am I Really A Stroller-monger?
I was reading "A Modern Infant Armada", a humor column in Maclean's Magazine written by a fellow humor columnist. Writing about it now is a bit like a painter painting another painter or a singer singing about another singer (but it not l...(related: Parenting)
My Best Buddy
My son, Dakota is now 7 yrs old. He is so smart for his age.I recently had a conference with his 1st grade teacher and was surprised to find out that he was having a hard time in school.I guess I was surprised because at home he was perfectly fine. She seems to believe that his problem...(related: Parenting)
Ritalin (methylphenidate) In The Treatment Of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
Ritalin is a good medication with a bad reputation. Its name causes more fear in the hearts of parents than any other medication. It is the topic of radio talk shows, protests by the Church of Scientology, and negative newspaper articles. And yet, I wonder, if it is so very bad, why is it so "over-prescribed" as the critics claim? Let's explore the issue further, and gi...(related: Parenting)
Raising Strong Daughters
When my daughter was born, I must admit there wasa distinctly different feeling to it. Part of me was thrilled, but part of me was unsure of how to deal with a gender I still couldn't quite understand.When my son was born, there was a clear sense thatthis was territory that I knew: there will bewrestling, playing ball together, playing withcars and, he has a penis! There was a sense ofsecurity from all of this and a deep sense ofknowing.Raising a daughter creates different issues formany fathers; it is even more challengingconsidering the cultural landscape that existstoday.To better understand these is...(related: Parenting)
Picky Eater Kid Nutritional Guidelines
Although many children are picky eaters at some stage in their lives, the experts say not to worry. Unless you are feeding him or her chips and cookies three times each day, these children will most likely meet their weekly nutritional quotas.However, if you are concerned about their developmental progress, make an appointment with their pediatrician for confirmation. In the meantime, you may want to include a multivitamin in your child's daily diet to balance his intake of nutrients.Instead of looking at what types of food your child is eating meal-by-meal or even day-by-day, round out the picture by looking at your child's diet week-by-week.Most children do not eat...(related: Parenting)
Motherhood Is A Perfect Adventure
How often do you think of family life as an adventure or delightful experience? If you and your children are having a good day, then you might buy into this idea. However, many of you are probably laughing hysterically now. What is delightful about the children fighting for the umpteenth time today? Sometimes I bet your family life feels like a jungle with screeching and swinging monkeys.It can be all too easy to get caught up in trying to control what is happening in the home instead of enjoying what is. God blessed us with beautiful children and we are most in touch with that precious love when the house is quiet and we watch them peacefully sleeping. So how can we connect to that ...(related: Parenting)
site-map - Copyright © 2006 | Contact Webmaster | Baby Care Info | All Rights Reserved. | Parenting