Create Your Dream Family
|
|
There has been much attention in the media of late on the transformation of families, Dr Phil's Phenomenal Family Series and Super Nanny to name a few. I recently had the pleasure of being featured on a radio program, Coaching Corners in New York in which I spoke about creating your dream family by becoming the parent you want to be. Many parents have this hope but do not know where to begin and how to get there. Others know what to do but get side tracked; finding their present state of their family is far from what they want it to be. I hope this article will help those who are new parents create your dream family and those seeking to transform your family. I want to make parenting easier, more meaningful and encourage parents in their efforts withthe following four principles.
First,create your vision of your dream family.
Look beyond the immediate behavior or situation seeking to be changed. Rather than focus on quick solutions, consider the big picture. The big picture reflects the long term or the more important values you are trying to make an impact upon. Corporations and businesses find they are more successful with a vision and mission statement to guide the daily efforts of their leaders and teams. You are leading your family toward a vision.
Here are questions to consider in creating your vision. What are your values and greatest desires for your family? Who are your parent role models and mentors? What families do you aspire to be like? What is your definition of success and happiness for your family? What experiences from childhood do you want to bring or not to your parenting? When considering your vision, you want to capture the essence of what you value and want to create.
Some examples of possible family visions include:
1. To teach and influence my children to be generous in spirit, have a contribution to make and become responsible citizens.
2. I want my home to be a safe haven, a place of laughter and fun in which my children want to be home and the neighborhood children feel welcome.
3. I want to create a family which values learning and curiosity and celebration of one's uniqueness.
The above 3 combined can be one family's vision statement. It is important to note, one's vision and values are not to be judged. There are different versions of success and happiness.
Second, change yourself and you will have influence over the destiny of your family.You can influence the outcome of your child's self-esteem, behaviors, and values through your relationship, approach and modeling. Pay attention to how your communication, discipline methods, use of family time, habits and routines, and activities supports your vision. Many parents seek help with discipline issues. One of the most common errors a parent makes is in focusing on the wished for outcome. It is easy to get attached to the outcome of your efforts. The more attached to needing your child to change, the more likely to become frustrated and unwilling to stay focused on you. So instead, as you approach your child's behavior and discipline I suggest you 1)be very clear and focused on what you want to create (rather than stop), 2)let go of needing your children to be different, 3)recognize and change your own behavior which interferes, and 4)have faith and patience with the process.
Third, one size does not fit all.
Over the course of my 18 year career working with families, many parents have sought my services to deal with problem behavior hoping to find the 'right' strategy to 'cure' the behavior of their child. There are some strategies suited for some parents and some to others. Parents sift through many books seeking to find the answer. Some books conflict with others, some walk you through each step with what to expect and how to respond. It can seem overwhelming and confusing.
Instead of searching for the 'right' way to raise your children, you can:Experiment with approaches which seem in line with your philosophyExplore new possibilities, be creativeGrow along with your children, learning from mistakes, being willing to struggleUse your unique strengths and skillsPay attention to your intuition
When you keep the big picture in mind, the choice of parenting strategy will become apparent to you. In other words, have a vision and your approach will follow hence making parenting easier and more meaningful.
Fourth, change necessary areas of your life to support your family vision.You can make your family a priority without losing yourself or your marriage in the process. Staying on track with your parenting efforts can be supported by other areas of your life. Example areas to keep in check:
Health and well being.
If you are exhausted, you will get in the way of your dream becoming reality. Adequate sleep and leisure time for self are essential. In order to take care of yourself, admit you cannot do it all, acknowledge your struggles, and accept your own limitations. Even, ask for help!
Marital and co-parenting relationship.
It is very important you share a similar vision and approach to parenting. Notice what you each contribute that may be different but equally valued. Give time to yourselves as a couple. Ah, the famous last words, "Remember, when we used to?"
Financial/Professional.
Yes, you can seek financial/professional and family success together. It may be necessary to reevaluate the intent of your financial and work related goals if it is interfering with your family vision.
Create Your Dream Family TELECLASS Begins May 11th. Two classes offered, 11:00am and 12:00pmGo to www.baystatecoaching.com for details on class and registration. Email lisa@baystatecoaching.com
Lisa Martelli of Baystate Coaching is a Personal and Career Coach with 18 years experience as a psychotherapist. She provides ongoing one-on-one coaching via telephone and also offers teleclasses, and workshops on location.
|
|
|
Three Tips To Get Children With Sleeping Problems Asleep
According to the American Sleep Association 70% of all babies and infants at one time or another suffer from sleeping difficulties. So if bed time is a difficult time for you and your baby you are in good company. Rest assured that there is probably nothing wrong but of course when you are in doubt seek professional care. Jodi Mindell, a researcher and sleep expert at the Institute, has 3 tips for worried parents.
10 Steps To School Year Success
One of the most important aspects of parenting, is ensuring that your child gets a good education. School is a place where your child not only learns skills such as reading and writing; it is also where your child will learn about friendship, responsibility, and fairness. In short, school is a test run for the 'real world', and your child needs your help to navigate this complicated arena. When your child was a baby, you set your life around nap times and diaper changes,
1. Establish Consistent Routines
Take the 'year at a glance' approach. If you have a chi...(related: Parenting)
Homeschooling ? Is It Worth It?
Suppose that you rearrange your life to homeschool your child and the experiment fails? You may feel that you've disrupted your life and wasted a year of your child's tim...(related: Parenting)
Road Trip With Kids
Boredom, limited space and overflowing energy are a source of nuisance for a child when in a restaurant - how much more in th...(related: Parenting)
Parentingyour Teenager: Dont Buy The I Dont Know And I Dont Care Attitude
"I don't know and I don't care."I've heard those words more than a few times in my office. Sometimes I think "I don't know and I don't care" is the universal teen tribal motto.So what to do?I remember working with one kid who said absolutely nothing in the first session but "I don't know and I don't care" at least 10 times each.So just before he came for his next session, I wrote "I don't know" on one side of a sheet of paper and "I don't care" on the other side. I then taped the piece of paper to the couch I thought he was most likely to sit on.In comes the kid, cracks up laughing, tapes the paper to his shirt, and then begins to talk for the rest of the meeting.3 Keys for How to RespondI tell you the above story because it offers three keys on how to respond t...(related: Parenting)
Family Meetings Are Now On The Agenda
"Not another meeting!"That tends to be the reaction from many parents when they hear the M word mentioned. Parents tend to associate meetings with the workplace rather than families. Even at work, meetings tend to be tolerated rather than keenly anticipated.My research and my anecdotal evidence suggest that families that have a process to share decisions and to resolve conflict have more cooperative kids and less open sibling disputes. To be truthful, I stopped talking about family meetings in my presentations some years ago as people's eye...(related: Parenting)
Labor Of Love
The small, lilac colored hexagonal box, with Winnie the Pooh on the lid, brings to mind healthy babies and happy times. But not all babies are born healthy and not all deliveries are happy occasions. This box, and it's matching clothe folder, contains mementos of a child that the parents could only spend hours, not years, with. It will be the only mementos the parents will ever have.Putting together these "memory boxes" of children that have been miscarried, stillborn, or died shortly after birth is done by the staff of the Birthplace. For one nurse in that unit, it is a very personal project. Lesley Gorney's daughte...(related: Parenting)
Legacy To Your Children
John Bishop's Goal Setting for Students.comLegacy to Your ChildrenIt's 6:30 at night and you just got home from a long day at work, but the day's not over yet. First, there's dinner, then homework and don't forget the chores. And, you have to finish a proposal for an important meeting tomorrow morning. Add a little stress from the monthly bills and the possibility of your company being downsized and you have pressures of the far too many US families.In addition, your children live in a rapid paced, MTV world where they are bombarded with media messages that define success as "bigger, better, faster," and "you can have it now ? and not have to work hard to get it." All too often the message...(related: Parenting)
Home For The Holidays: Avoid Aging Parents Becoming A Burden
By not planning for the future we guarantee that we will leave our children with a tremendous burden. Just about the time they ar...(related: Parenting)
site-map - Copyright © 2006 | Contact Webmaster | Baby Care Info | All Rights Reserved. | Parenting